Why is it difficult to listen sometimes
How to listen correctly and how we (k) st
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Listening sounds easy, but it is difficult for many people. Sometimes I watch people like each other Not to listen. They let themselves be talked out, but are already trembling with excitement because they finally want to tell something themselves. Sometimes I find it funny, sometimes sad. It depends on how I relate to them.
It is difficult to listen properly because everyone is the main actor in their own film. All the others play supporting roles or are extras. It goes without saying that the main actor doesn't pay much attention to the extras. Only he himself shapes the actual story.
It takes some reflection to recognize this natural law in being with other people. Some succeed better, others worse. Introverts have an advantage herebecause they are naturally more reflective, like to withdraw into their thoughts and talk less than others. If you ask something, think before you answer. That makes them popular interlocutors, at least when it comes to real listening. I don't know if every person is one goods Can become a listener. Perhaps established personality traits seem too strong. But probably everyone can do one better Become a listener.
Why it is better to listen
If someone doesn't allow me to star in my film, how can I ever be close to that person? Deep relationships do not develop without listening. Incidentally, that has nothing to do with quantity. I can feel comfortable with someone even though my speaking share is only 30 percent. But during this 30 percent the person has to be completely with me. As soon as I realize that someone is not listening to me, I fall silent within a few seconds. The more often this happens to someone, the less often I seek the conversation and the faster the relationship fizzles out.
On the other hand, I've often seen people like me even though I don't (actively) contribute to a conversation. Letting you be the main actor is sometimes enough to be liked. I would even say that some people find me wise in such situations, and that's only because I approach them with a considered answer. However, the same property can be disadvantageous in other situations. In my experience, listening is rewarded in one-to-one conversations, but not in a group. It would be ideal to be able to switch depending on the situation.
Listening also has the advantage of that you are not just wise worksbut wiser becomes. In the end, when I listen, I learn something that I didn't know. I often pick up information that is fermenting in me for a long time before I turn it into a new idea or article. When I talk, however, I don't learn anything newbut just warm up something I've known for a long time.
This is how you really listen
Since listening is one of my well-developed skills, I try to reproduce from my point of view what makes a good listener:
- Make the other person feel like the main character - at least for the duration of the conversation. Don't let your smartphone or other circumstances distract you.
- Show your interlocutor that you are listening by looking him in the eye and sometimes nod. Don't overdo it with impatient nods and noises in agreement.
- Hear also what is not said. Observe the voice, facial expressions and gestures of the person you are speaking to. If these are particularly noticeable, you can ask him about them (“I can see how upset you are…”).
- If you catch yourself mentally formulating an answer while the other is still speaking, you are doing something wrong. You cannot listen and think at the same time. Say goodbye to your answer and you will automatically become calmer. When your interlocutor has finished, you can formulate a new answer. Then you already have more information.
- Don't complete each other's sentences. It's his thoughts. Don't pretend you know them.
- When the other is done, wait a moment before answering. Breathe in and out at least once. Maybe something else is coming. The break also signals that you are worrying.
- Bad listeners change the subject at this point. Not a good idea! Instead, ask more in-depth questionsthat signal your interest.
- Let go of your prejudices. If you are unsure how to interpret something, repeat what has been said as you have understood it ("Did I understand you correctly, that ...?").
- Accept that you don't always have to be right. Instead of contradicting, assume that the other person might just as well be right and think about how he or she might have come to his conclusion (or ask about it).
- Even if you cannot understand the other person's perspective, accept that people are not rational. What matters is how the other does something feels. If he feels bad in a situation, you shouldn't evaluate his feelings, but consider whether you can help.
In a perfect world we would all listen carefully. But the world is not perfect and I don't always listen well either. When someone bores me, it takes great effort to pull myself together. What I find decisive, however, is how we deal with the people who are important to us and whom we find interesting. If we listen to them properly, we can make their lives and our own a little better.
Here are three other approaches you can take to become a popular conversationalist.
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